Someone comes to your site, reads your beautifully written words – and stampedes, knocking over your carefully constructed red velvet rope. Hurtful things are said, rocks are thrown, glass houses shattered.
Like a hurricane, they slam into you and leave you soaking wet, lost, and sad.
But, you tell yourself, I was so clear about who I am and what I do!
But, you say, I put so much of my heart into these words!
I must go, you cry, and fix this at once!
And you go, and you write. From your battered broken heart, words of apology flow. You diminish, demur. You take all the responsibility. You clarify and explain. If you can just find the right words, you think, you can make it all better.
Those hurtful words, that hurricane – those are the words from a mind already made up.
You can’t make a difference there. You can’t change that mind. No amount of begging, pleading, explaining, or clarifying will make even the slightest dent in that mind. It’s a mind of stone.
It’s a mind made up – and it’s made up against you.
And a mind already made up is a mind not worth your time.
Darling, my sweet fragile sensitive heart, you will get rocks thrown at you. In this world, there are so many suffering souls shooting stones that you are bound to take a hit.
And yes, my dearest, it will hurt.
And yes, my dearest, your response will be to run and fix it. To mend it. To make it all better. To apologize and demur and shrink yourself to fit a box you were never meant to fit.
Of course that’s what you want to do. We want to be loved. When someone hits us with a stone, we feel unloved. Worse – we feel unseen. It’s frightening.
But a mind already made up is a force you cannot reckon with. It is a hurricane, hurtling a path of destruction, and you happened to be in the way.
But here’s the thing.
It’s not about you.
And so, my love, no matter what you do, you cannot sway that mind.
And so, my love, stop.
Stop demurring and diminishing.
Stop apologizing for who and what you are.
Stop squeezing yourself into boxes others present to you.
Take a deep breath.
Stand in your power, my dearest darling.
Stand in your power – and stand firm, because this is only the beginning.