One of my favorite shortcuts
Is learning by having the guts
To try without fear
And so today we’re
Gonna teach you how to futz!
- How to futz in a safe sandbox
- Kitchen “common sense”
- Staying young
More detail (including live roleplay examples!) about the bulldozer/doormat pattern, in which one person dominates (often subconsciously) and one person submits (often subconsciously). Pace runs the bulldozer pattern and Kyeli runs the doormat pattern.
I’m bent on achieving a goal.
I’ll build up some steam, then I’ll roll.
But don’t be afraid;
If I am obeyed,
I won’t have to take your control.
A steamroller’s coming right at!
I’d better get down and lie flat.
I’m all out of steam,
So I’ll just join the team,
And turn myself into a mat.
- Moving, minimizing, and the mainstream
- Spiritual bypass
- You’ll run Bulldozer if you’re raised to be dominant; you’ll run Doormat if you’re raised to be submissive or to minimize. This roughly correlates with raised male vs. raised female in most cultures.
- Enneagram Threes and Eights often run Bulldozer, and Enneagram Fours, and Nines often run Doormat.
Shoutouts to my friend Bob McGarey for coining(?) “The Steamroller and the Doormat” which is where I probably got this terminology.
Kyeli and I were accosted by a creepy stalker recently, and so we want to talk about politeness, being a “nice girl,” placating, salespeople, creepers, and other folks who violate the social contract.
“Buy this vacuum from me ’cause it’s cheaper,”
Says the salesperson. Now go deeper:
We respond so politely
‘Cause rude is unsightly,
But then you’re polite to a creeper!
- the story of the creeper
- politeness as placating
- rape culture and gender roles
We’ve been throwing around terms like “the patriarchy” and “feminism” without ever explaining what we mean by them. Here’s an introduction to what feminism is (and isn’t!) and why we think it’s important.
It’s Feminism 101!
There’s plenty of work to be done,
But let’s start with equality
And a dash of frivolity
And hopefully you’ll learn a ton!
- the name “feminism”
- male privilege
- What is the patriarchy?
- What is rape culture?
- What is intersectionality?
- What Privilege Really Means (And Doesn’t Mean) – To Clear Up Your Doubts Once and For All
When we have a guest on the podcast, and the guest says something we disagree with, do you want us to interrupt or let it slide?
Each time I talk back to a guest,
I feel some internal unrest.
Is just keeping silent
Or am I just being a pest?
A spiritual bypass is when you focus on only the internal work to the exclusion of an external problem that needs to be addressed. Here’s what it looks like.
The Law of Three starts with fixation.
The second point is the negation.
The third transcends both,
If it’s actual growth,
But what if it’s minimization?
- anger vs. hate
- reconcile vs. wishy-washy
- spiritual bypass
- everyone means well… but for whom?
- “remember your compassion”
- Why I hate compassion
- why the founder of The Home Depot voted for Trump (an example of bridging)
How to heal and/or manipulate others by whispering to their invisible gnomes. The gnomes are a metaphor. We hope….
If you read some thick, scholarly tomes
Your predictions surpass Sherlock Holmes.
You’ll soon see the fnords
And reap the rewards
Once you know the invisible gnomes.
Direct vs. subtle communication (aka ask culture vs. guess culture, low context vs. high context communication)
Direct communication vs. subtle communication, ask culture vs. guess culture, low context vs. high context: different names for the same two communication styles.
- In direct communication, it’s always okay to ask and it’s always okay to say no.
- In subtle communication, it’s polite to be indirect, and being direct is seen as rude.
If you don’t know this is happening (for example, if you’re being direct and you don’t understand why everyone in your family is avoiding you) it can cause huge conflict or misunderstanding, especially because in subtle culture, it’s impolite to directly address the fact that subtle culture exists.
Communication can get wrecked
If you do not know what to expect.
One big havoc-wreaker
Is when one of the speakers
Is subtle, and one is direct.
This is it! Here is everything else I learned at IEA 2017.
Some fabulous speakers on scene,
A focus on practice: that’s keen.
We’re still old and white,
But there’s a lot we got right
at IEA 2017!
- “Once a tiger tastes blood, it can’t rest until it tastes it again.” -Claudio Naranjo
- “Move through your personality instead of transcending it.” -Sandra Maitri
- The Enneagram is a map of how we interpret the disconnection from our deepest nature at a very young age. This implies that we are born in contact with our deepest nature.
- Yogananda talked about the painting as a movie. Light is true nature, not the story. Your job is to turn toward the light and remember that’s who you truly are.
- Inquiry is like The Work. Thinker prover. We draw to ourselves experiences that confirm our core assumptions.
- Growth is almost impossible to do by yourself because we can’t see past our own lens. The second line of work?
- Nested dolls of understanding self: outer to inner: Enneatype, emotional child (younger version of enneatype), soul child (younger version of the type if you follow the line of integration). Soul child didn’t work when we were very young, so emotional child forms as a reaction. After that, animal soul, after that pure being, inside that are divine qualities and these qualities are in everything
Dr. RaShon and Lynda Roberts
- Collaborative engagement: Two people talking about race twice a month
- The People’s Institute for Survival and Beyond: resources to heal from racism
- Lynda: The Enneagram taught me about me as a fish and other fish, but nothing about the sea we are are swimming in and the racist muck in that sea.
- “Spring water flowing through the desert cannot survive. A river flowing through the desert cannot survive. It takes a flood to transform a desert.” -Two Thousand Seasons
- The action is to gather more springs until we are a flood.
- True connection creates compassion, which allows us to see past “the other”. The Enneagram facilitates this.
- In Brazil they’re not gonna read The Wisdom of the Enneagram. They’re gonna ask you out for a drink and let’s talk about it.
- The way we do the IEA is just “ehh” for non-white folks. Am I gonna buy a ticket for that? “Ehh”
- Contrast: a bunch of black women get together for a potluck and the host says, “So what’s up?”
- “The best thing you can offer your people is to tell them to sit with their suffering.” -Helen Palmer
Brian Mitchell-Walker and Devon Carter
- Brain is in the future, heart is in the past, only the body is in the present
- Extend your body (e.g. arms) to relax your identification with your type structure
- “Defensiveness is usually defensiveness about the perceived past.” -Tom Condon
- The enneagram is like a car crashed into your living room and you just worked around it.
- “A rowboat in the moonlight on a dark lake” makes Kyeli lose her shit
- “Never teach the enneagram unless you can be kind to each and every type.” -Don Riso
- Kindness is necessary for transformation.
- Our brain can handle 40 stressors each day. We have 400k-4M per day depending on lifestyle.
- Kindness is natural when we are relaxed and happy.
- 7 tips to help you be more kind
How to spend time online without getting triggered, stressed out, or turning into a rat pushing a lever.
In part 1, we explore the problem, commiserate, and begin to explore possible solutions.
Use Facebook without reading news.
More connection, and less shallow schmooze.
When your phone dings, don’t drool;
Don’t be your phone’s tool.
Connect in the way that you choose.
- WCML 035.5: Authentic Connection vs. the Facebook “Like” button, with Schmutzie aka Elan Morgan
- WCML 086: If social media doesn’t light you up, ditch it!