Mo Pie over at Big Fat Deal (an awesome blog about issues faced by women in general and overweight women in specific) wrote an awesome post on Friday, ending with the question “Can you be overweight, yet truly happy?”
I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my life. I got heavy as a kid and only went up from there. I’ve been teased, hurt, persecuted, tormented, and excluded based on my size – and more than a little of the abuse was from my own self. I spent most of my life feeling like a victim, trapped in my overweight and horribly out-of-shape body, not liking myself and hating my body.
But, as I said to Mo Pie, then I started paying attention. I started listening to myself. I started hearing those hateful thoughts that would go through my mind at random times, the insecurity that would float by whenever someone stared at me for any length of time. I knew that I would never say such things to someone I loved, so why was it okay to say them to myself?
I’m finding now, in this new and tender place of self-love and self-respect, that my numbers don’t matter. My weight, my size, my measurements – they don’t define me. They are but a small drop in the lake that fills and creates who I am. What matters is how I feel. If I feel ill or unhappy all the time, something needs to change. If I feel healthy and happy, that’s great – no matter my size.
And I find that, as long as I’m listening, paying attention, and taking good care of myself, I am truly happy.