Another Friday, another epiphany from Iron Pentacle class. I realized this when we were working with the point of Sex, but it applies to broader relationship patterns as well.

It’s rare that my magickal self-work looks anything like traditional psychotherapy, but today I’m lying down on the couch and talking about my parents. Mark it on the calendar. (:

I have this two-year cooling-off cycle.

I get into a serious relationship. It gradually cools off, then eventually we break up after two years.

I’ve been running this pattern since I was fifteen.

Kyeli is the only exception, and I still ran the cooling-off part of the pattern even without the breaking-up part. Settling down, losing passion, sex drive cooling off, taking for granted — all things we’ve dealt with in our relationship.

Does this look familiar?

When I was a pre-teen, my parents started having marriage problems. They stopped being physically and emotionally affectionate toward each other, and they started sleeping in separate beds. Eventually they separated and got divorced. At the time, I didn’t know or understand why.

So I assumed it’s just the way things go in a relationship.

*waves in case they’re reading*

I’m not blaming my parents. I’m just noticing the source of this pattern. Now that I know its source, I understand it better, and I understand myself better.

Best of all, now that I know where it came from, I know that it’s not the way it has to be.

In retrospect, I get it. But the pattern didn’t form now; it formed when I was 11 or 12. Trying to logic at it in adult terms doesn’t work at all.

What has helped is this.

Simply acknowledging it. Feeling how it feels; remembering how it felt. Putting it in perspective; putting those thoughts and feelings next to my adult thoughts and feelings. Not judging or comparing them, just putting them next to each other in my mind and in my heart. Kind of… letting them talk to each other?

I’m not sure I understand it myself, but I feel as though a big chunk of cholesterol has been dislodged from the artery of my love.

That’s disgusting. Let me try again.

I’m not sure I understand it myself, but I feel as though a big rock has been dislodged from the dam of…

Ugh. How about we forget the metaphors?

I feel good, open, and freely flowing. Unbound.

Much better. Now bring it home!

Discovering the source of a pattern or assumption you have can give you power over it. Think about some things you take for granted; you think “That’s just the way it is.”

What if that’s not just the way it is?

What if it could be different? What if there’s some reason in your past that you’re making this assumption? What if it’s possible to change it? What if it’s possible to figure it out instead of taking it for granted?

If the world being “just the way it is” sucks for you and makes your life miserable, mightn’t it be worth a closer look?