My new tattoo.
The blue lotus represents me on my spiritual journey. The lotus haunts me; every time I see one somewhere, I am reminded that I’m on the right path – even when I don’t know where I’m going anymore. The first time I saw one after finding out about prolapse, I flipped out. How could I still be on the right path now, after this? But the lotus perseveres in my life; there was one at the hospital, in a painting across the hall from my room. I may not know where to go, but I trust in the universe – and She peppers my path with the lotus.
The opening bud represents my little girl lost. Her brief time, her tiny touch in my body, her huge ripples in my life. Her moment to barely open, just here long enough to change me forever.
The two closed buds represent the children I will never have. Silenced, closed tightly against the world, but here with me in my heart forever.
And the bright yellow star, rising up out of the lotus, represents my own bright rising star; the love of my life, my not-so-little boy, my son.
I chose blue because blue is sacred and spiritual for me, and because of the song, Lullaby in Blue. It’s a song about losing your child, one I first heard not even a week after I lost mine, and I’ve held it in my heart for years. Now, for me, it’s about every child I’ve lost, whether I was given the chance to know their souls or not.
And it’s on my forearm so I can forever see them and hold them all – including myself – close to my heart.
If you live in or are visiting Austin and want a tattoo, Karen at Spellbound Studio is my artist. She’s incredible; I cannot recommend her highly enough!