Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 9: Holding healthy boundaries

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 9: Holding healthy boundaries

Boundaries are tricky things. By “boundaries,” we’re not referring to lines on maps or fences in fields; we mean the boundaries of responsibility.

Becky’s Example: Too Late for the Show

Becky made plans to see a movie with Wes at 4:30 on Saturday. They agree on a time and a theater a week in advance. On Friday, they have a conversation:

Wes: “Hey Becky, could we do dinner tomorrow?”

Becky: “Sure, how about Clay Pit at 8?”

Wes: “Sounds good.”

On Saturday, Becky shows up at the theater and Wes is nowhere to be seen. She calls him to ask where he is.

Becky: “Hi Wes, are you running late?”

Wes: “What? It’s only 4:30, and we’re not eating until 8, right?”

Becky: “Right, but we were going to see a movie at 4:30.”

Wes: “I thought we were having dinner instead of the movie. If we were doing both, I wouldn’t have expected you to suggest a time, and I wouldn’t have expected the time to be so long after the end of the movie.”

Becky: “Oh, I thought we would have dinner in addition to the movie. We never canceled our movie plans, so I assumed they were still on. I guess we miscommunicated.”

Wes: “I guess we did.”

Becky and Wes had a misunderstanding about their plans. They each made the usual error; they filled in the gaps in the conversation with their own assumptions. Does Becky place the responsibility on Wes for misunderstanding her, or does she take the responsibility upon herself for not having been clear enough? In other words, where do they draw their boundaries?

…and here’s the rest: