I’m happy to be a girl. You know, most days I take it for granted, and that’s a damn shame. Because you know what, it’s a fucking miracle! It’s like something out of a fairy tale! And it’s real, totally real, right here, really happening.
There was a time when I would daydream about how nice it would be to be pretty. An unattainable fantasy, I thought at the time, just an idle daydream. WRONG! My dream has come true. I’m not just pretty, I’m beautiful! Holy living fuck! How is this even possible?! It’s amazing! It’s truly amazing.
Your body contains the blueprints for both a male version of you and a female version of you. With a change in one single hormone (or maybe two), your body would shift from one to the other. Not 100%; there would still be a couple of things that would require some external tweaking, but about 70% or 80%. Think about that. Think about the potential that your body contains. You contain both male and female, but you’re (probably) only expressing one of them. But the potential is inside you, locked away by hormonal balances.
We’re all just people. Men, women, boys, girls, intersex, transgender, cisgender, we’re all just people. If there’s one thing my transition has taught me, it’s that. Because I was male, and then I was female, but I was still the same person. We’re all just people.
For me, becoming female (or, more precisely, moving into the female gender role) was like a set of puzzle pieces all falling into place. There were a whole bunch of things that used to feel subtly wrong that suddenly started feeling right. Being able to talk in the restroom. Smiling at other women as we pass by. (Did you notice that men don’t do that?) Being able to talk about my emotions and being able to cry without social stigma. Hugging other women without awkwardness. Being able to casually touch another woman on the arm while we’re talking, and have it be taken as a gesture of friendship and connection rather than as something potentially creepy or off-putting. Being able to be nice, kind, and complimentary to others without being perceived as a sexual predator. There were all these things that I was never fully aware of until they all changed for me. And it felt really right.
It’s amazing to have been on both sides (and the middle!) of the gender fence. It’s really incredible to have seen all these gendered aspects of culture from multiple perspectives. Sometimes I feel like a double agent, like a gender spy. (: But I’m not out to take sides; I just want us all to understand each other. Because we’re all just people.
Being trans can be really tough. Transition is no cakewalk, that’s for sure. There’s oodles of social stigma, prejudice, hate, and other crappy crap. But that’s not the whole story. Being trans is also amazing. It’s an incredible, magickal journey across a line that most people don’t even know is possible to cross. I’m Pace, I’m proud to be trans, and I’m happy to be a girl. (: