It’s true. I’m a terrible entrepreneur.
I am terrible at doing things I’m not good at or don’t enjoy, like marketing.
I am terrible at not taking things personally.
I am terrible at working really hard for very long hours.
I’m terrible at working when I don’t want to work.
And I’m terrible, utterly utterly terrible, at pushing through.
All these things are good qualities to have when you’re an entrepreneur. It’s useful to be able to work when you don’t feel like it. It’s important to be able to let things people say roll off you – particularly when you become more successful and/or famous. It’s vital to be able to do things you don’t enjoy – like marketing. When you work for yourself, there’s no one else to do the things you don’t. If you don’t do ’em, they don’t get done.
This is why I am the luckiest girl in the world, because I have Pace.
But that’s not my point today. Today, I’m talking about being a terrible entrepreneur.
Lots of things put me down for the count. Uterus acting up? No work. Friendship troubles? No work. Heartache? No work.
I’m incredibly bad at working when I’m not doing well.
The good side is, I’m good at doing well. I’m doing well a huge percentage of the time! That’s awesome – both for me and for work.
The bad side is, when I’m not doing well, neither is my blog. We’ll sit in silence and stare at each other for long periods of time (the cursor always blinks first). When my emotions are tangled, so are my fingers, and I can’t write. I get knotted up. I get tongue- and finger-tied.
My heart is too sensitive for such things.
I started out trying to learn how to toughen up. I wanted to desensitize so I could push myself harder, be more hardcore, so I could knock things off my to-do lists, so I could squeeze creativity out of myself regardless of how I’m feeling.
But how violent! How untrue to myself I was being! I’m sensitive. The more I learn about myself, the more true to my heart I am, the more sensitive I become.
And you know what? I love the way I am.
I’m still learning how to be effective and sensitive. There are ways, and I will find them. I don’t have to box myself or whip myself to be successful – quite the contrary. The more I box myself, the worse I feel, and the less I am able to get done!
Being true to myself is, by far, the most important part of my path.