Two weeks ago, I posted about another “The Body Sacred” epiphany on the lack of male energy in my life.

I’ve been steeping in this, sussing and thinking and feeling. Pace and I have had hours-long discussions about it, and something she said really got me going.

It’s not about men. It’s about a certain set of behaviors and attitudes.

It’s not men I fear, it’s the dominance and the brute strength, the righteousness, the violence and abuse, the tendency toward control and sex-craziness.

Those are separate from men.

They’re certainly behaviors more prevalent in men than women, both in general and in my life. But I started to realize that I can separate them from the general class of human, and put my fear/shields/walls where they belong.

The other piece to this complicated puzzle is self-trust.

I used to allow people with those behaviors in my life. I used to allow them to hurt me, control me, abuse me, and rape me. I had no self-confidence or self-worth, no understanding about how sacred I am and how sacred my body is, and no understanding on how to keep myself safe. I didn’t “get what was coming to me” or any such horrid thing, but I sure as hell didn’t protect myself and didn’t feel deserving of healthy friends and lovers who wouldn’t abuse me. I didn’t trust myself to take good care of myself because I never did.

I am not that girl anymore.

I am strong. I am smart. I have good, powerful intuition that I listen to and trust deeply. I no longer allow such people into my life, and if they sneak through, I am fully capable of protecting myself. I no longer live in fear from anything, men included.

So now, I can take those behaviors, those attitudes, and separate them from a gender. I can see them in specific people and take specific action on a personal basis. I can disentangle, see what needs to be seen, and act accordingly, instead of being afraid of every strange man I may encounter.

p.s.: still totally a lesbian. sorry, boys.

---

Save the date for the free, 52-minute How to Be Awesome teleclass on Monday, December 14th at 1pm Central. (time zone converter) We’ll distill everything we’ve learned about personal growth into the Basic Principles of Awesomeness, and we’ll do Q&A, too! Join our newsletter to sign up; you can unsubscribe at any time. (more)