I hate April Fool’s Day.

I started calling it a non-day and skipping school every year by the time I was 14 – and I skipped work when I was older, too – preferring to stay low for 24 hours and slide right into April 2nd, which is perfectly innocent and usually pleasant.

Unless everyone else is pissy because of the day before.

April Fool’s Day is basically a global excuse to be an asshole. It’s teasing on a grand scale.

Granted, some pranks are funny. I’m not entirely a stick in the mud – I like the things Google does, and Marty pulled one over on me this year; I found it hilarious.

But most pranks are just dicky. It may be funny to you to fill someone’s cube with popcorn, but they have to clean it up. It may be amusing to cover someone’s entire car with post-it notes, but it leaves a sticky mess for your target to deal with later.

Seriously, rarely does the butt of a prank feel honored or thrilled or even happy. Occasionally, they’re amused – but more often than not, they’re humiliated, embarrassed, and upset. To make things worse, if they express upset, they’re the ones to blame: they’re accused of being poor sports or having no sense of humor. “Suck it up” is a phrase often bandied about in these situations, as are “no harm, no foul”, “get over it”, and “it was just a joke!”.

This isn’t just crap, it’s epic crap. It’s the biggest, most socially acceptable form of blaming the victim; a world-wide holiday to exonerate and glorify pranksters. A day when those with a cruel streak can bully those weaker than themselves and be congratulated for it.

It reminds me of being in high school, perpetually. The bullies pick on the geeks, and everyone laughs.

Fuck that shit.

When I’m not utterly avoiding the world at large, I spend April 1st being nicer than usual, kinder, more patient, and friendlier. I try to balance out the overload of cruelty with an extra dash of kindness. The world is cruel and harsh enough without the extra addition of a free pass for 24 hours.