I leave my glasses in the bathroom.

I used to be neurotic about my glasses. I had to know where they were at all times. They were the very last thing I would remove at night – usually after I was already in bed – and the very first thing I’d put on in the mornings, and usually before I even got out of bed. Even if I lingered in bed to read or cuddle, I’d put them on.

But I realized a few days ago – I’m not neurotic about them anymore. I’ve started taking them off in the bathroom when I ablute and not bothering to put them back on. I’ve even spent hours in the mornings without them, while Pace and I sit around and cuddle before we exercise.

It boils down to comfort.

I used to be in a manipulative relationship with a controlling abuser. In that situation, I felt uncomfortable. I felt out of control, helpless, a victim. My glasses gave me security and comfort that I couldn’t find elsewhere – and she couldn’t touch them without me flipping out, so she never tried.

But my neurosis over my glasses was a red flag; a warning sign of things not right in our relationship. Much like my obsession over ansty goth rock (that also went away with that relationship) – I was using my glasses as an anchor, as something I could control in a situation in which I felt helpless.

(The goth rock was considerably more emo: I felt I had a hole in my soul, and goth rock sings about hole-filled souls a lot, so it gave me something to which I could relate. I got better.)

Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, I no longer need to desperately cling to control over little things because I no longer feel helpless – and I can look back and see things as red flags. The things I see when I look back will fill a book, but this is one of them.

Call it an early warning sign. So I give it to you as something to mull over and consider. If you find yourself clinging to the little things, desperate for comfort… what are you really feeling?

Feel clear and confident about your direction in life!


Do you wish you could follow your heart, but it seems impossible? I can help you find the clarity and courage you need.

In other words, I can help you find your path.