I used to love Torrid. But I think their marketers need to be fired and replaced with Seth Godin, or someone on his team.

A while back, I accidentally subscribed to Torrid’s newsletter (which is almost impossible to un-subscribe from). I get something from them nearly every day. Too much! It’s become spam, and I never even look at it anymore!

On top of that, they do this horrible thing: they offer me $25 off^*.

*a purchase of $100 or more

This is not a reward. Gah! I don’t feel rewarded at all! I feel like they’re trying to trick me! The “fine print” is way down at the end of the image-intensive email, buried in a bunch of stupid crap stuff I never read, so I nearly missed it the first time around. The second, third, fourth, and so on times, however, I searched it out.

The offer varies, but the catch remains the same.

If you are going to reward me, actually reward me! If you want to tempt me into your store, give me $25 off with no catch – or even just $10 or $5. This fake reward with a catch not only doesn’t bring my business, it pushes me away. I won’t buy from them anymore because I’m super irritated at the spam in my inbox full of fake discounts.

Another thing that really gets me is the fake “handwritten” thank you. Last year, we’d ordered from Mr Gatti’s Pizza some ten times in as many weeks. (We don’t eat that way anymore, thank the gods.) On our last order, there was a handwritten note that simply said, “We appreciate your business! Thank you!”

Sweet, right?

Well, had it been real… The very same note, in the very same handwriting, was on the second pizza box. I was perplexed – who can write every letter exactly the same twice? Waaaaait a minute! This note is Xeroxed!

Yup. A fake note of gratitude, made to look real. Come on, people. A little real gratitude for your loyal customers would be a thing to remark on, something to make us talk about your company and you for a long time, and something that would likely bring far, far more business to you in the long run. I mean, really, how hard is it to write a little thank you note, personalize it, and send it to every order for a week (once, on one box)? Not that hard – and I know! We just signed and personalized 100 books!

Torrid may worry that I won’t spend enough money there to make giving me $25 off with no catch a safe bet. But had they done so, I’d’ve spent far more than $25 measly bucks there by now. Maybe there’s a few shmucks who’ll go in and spend exactly $25, use their certificate, and leave having spent not a single penny of their own money, but by and large, customers will go in and spend at least $50, because that’s how much a single frigging shirt costs there.

No catch, big benefits for your company. Put a catch on there, and not only do I not feel rewarded, I feel cheated. Bad move.