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Here are my takeaways from Sylvia Haskvitz’s talk at the IEA 2016 Conference.

• It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about needs.
• I made a list of every bad thing my dad had done to me. We talked. His perception was completely different.
• Go from “Us vs. Them” to “What are the needs?”
• Request vs demand. Need + person = request. A demand is when you don’t care about what the other person wants. It must be doable, for example “please respect me” is not a request. What could the other person say or do that would make you feel respected? Sibling who is an 8. “Cocky body language.” That’s not precise enough, not objective enough. Either make it objective or ask open ended questions.
• What need comes up for you often when you are in conflict?
  1. Connect with yourself
  2. Connect with another
  3. Listen
  4. Reflect
• Simple awareness automatically opens into loving kindness

Previous episode in this series:

• WCME 060: IEA 2016 part 1: Bringing a scientific mindset to the Enneagram

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